Sunday, January 24, 2010

Getting a Good Martini Out Nearly Impossible

I love martinis, but I almost never order one when I'm out because it's so difficult to get a good one. First of all the "dry" martini lobby has ruined the taste of a classic martini by causing the average bartender to believe that the appropriate amount of vermouth used in the drink is an amount insufficient to civilize the innate brutality of raw gin. Secondly, the extension of the appellation 'martini' beyond the ingredients indigenous to a classic martini—that is gin and vermouth—to include drinks made with vodka and a whole raft of peculiar and vaguely sissified beverages flavored with fruits and candies has eroded the integrity of the genre. Seriously, if you're going to drink one of those abominations you ought to at least have the decency to order it in a silly glass with an umbrella to warn passersby of the potential for noxious fruitiness. Worst of all to me though is the inability of modern bar staff to prepare a proper twist. The twists I see, and the twists I get when I'm moved to order one, are huge swatches of lemon containing virtual slabs of pith. These things do not impart any sophistication or subtlety to a proper martini. Instead they make for a bitter drink with a disagreeable appearance. Better to just build your own at home. Have a nice glass of wine when you're out. No one is likely to screw that up.

The little animation below is indicative of my experience. Enjoy.

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